During the line
by Nina28
Summary: Mulder's thoughts during his scene with Scully at the end of Triangle.


DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter, the 1013 and FOX. No copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me.

"Scully?"

I'm here, in this hospital bed.

Surprise, surprise: I'm drugged and my head hurts like hell.

I'm here in this hospital bed and suddenly I realize I've to talk to Scully.

I mean really talk...not innuendos, not long speeches… just the three magic words.

Why now?

May I say that my timing sucks?

May I say that I'm scared shitless?

Yeah, right, I've met mutants, aliens...

_whatever_

...serial killers, anyway...though I'm known as spooky Mulder, there's one thing which really spooks me

_Great sense of humor you should experience concussion more often_

I'm terrified at the idea of expressing my feelings.

Not that I'm afraid of them.

I mean, I've known what I'm going to say to Scully for a long time...but...er...express it out loud?

Say the words...?

The three magic words?

Never...until now.

Until the Queen Anne.

Until I kissed Scully...or her doppelganger...or whoever that woman on that bridge was.

God I really kissed her...almost as if I was the romantic hero of an old fashioned movie...and she kissed me back...before punching me.

The psychologist in me tells me that it was a dream, a projection of my inner feelings, of my inner fears.

The man in love within me keeps shouting with joy, "You've kissed her...and you're both still alive!".

I know it wasn't really her...but man...it was so real!

I mean, it's not the first time I'd dreamed -I'm still not sure whether it was a dream, by the way- of kissing her...especially after last summer; it's just...never these dreams had been so real.

I could feel her warmth, her breath, the flavor of her mouth. The body...her body pressed against mine, felt real. Her passion...felt real.

She's so beautiful right now, while she comes back to me.

You know, when I woke up I couldn't help touching her, while I tried to explain to her what I'd felt on the Queen Anne.

I wanted her to know the pure joy I felt realizing the trust which that woman, a woman who didn't even know me, had in me, the fact that she had believed in me .

No questions, asked.

I kept touching Scully like I kept touching that woman, and it was like home.

She was right, "there's no place like home"

"Yes?"

Oh God, I'm really going to tell her what I feel, how I feel.

She's looking at me now.

She's waiting for what I'm going to tell her.

Oh my God...I really love her...looking at her I can't help remembering how my life was before she came into my life...I can't help remembering my life with her...

There's been a time, when I didn't know her, yet, now it seems so distant to me; it's like she's always been with me.

I know that I shouldn't tell her that I love her, not now, at least. We have still so many things to do, there are still so many truths waiting to be uncovered…but…

Truth is… I've been silent for far too long.

Hundred, thousand images cross my mind, while I find the courage to tell her that I love her.

Whole days together, side to side. We have laughed together, we have wept together.

She knows me better than anyone.

Never have I allowed anybody to enter inside of me, but Dana Scully has succeeded in it.

She lives within me, she is mistress of my heart and my thoughts.

Telling her that I love her, will never, even in a million of years, expresses what Dana Scully is really to me.

She I my everything.

But I suppose that saying it out loud that I love her, is a beginning, at least.

"I love you"

Here, I've said it!

For an instant I believed that my heart was going to stop beating, instead I realize, that it is simple. It's as simple as breathing.

I could also get used to saying it to her. I like its sound on my lips, the sound of my voice telling her how much I love her.

I feel lighter now. I am terrified as well, for what she will tell me, but I know that whatever she's going to tell me, it's not going to change how I feel...

But shit, her silence is killing me...come on, Scully...say something!

Come on, open your mouth and say something...anything...

"Oh, brother!"

That's something I didn't expect...well...not that I expected her eyes filling with tears, her voice cracked while she told me, "Oh, Mulder I love you too..."

But... "Oh brother" definitely isn't what I expected.

Oh, SHIT!

She thinks I'm drugged!

I can't believe it...she thinks I'm drugged!

Yes Scully...love of my life, light of my eyes...I'm drugged...but it doesn't mean I'm out of my mind when I tell you that I love you!

Jesus Scully...where the heck have you been living for the last six years...under a rock?

Yes I love you!

I love you even when I'm not drugged and my head doesn't hurt like hell...and I'm not in a hospital bed!

It's typical of our life together, I think while you go away...one of us open up and the other backs off...

I'm not surprised. Ok, maybe I'm a little hurt ...but I'm not surprised, I know you...I know you so much

My cheek still hurts. Your whatever hit me, but she kissed me back...and she liked me.

And you know what, Scully?

I don't give up on us.

You love me, I know that.

I smile while I rest my head against the pillow...I know it's a long way...

But you know me, Scully...I'm a truth seeker, and the truth, are us.


End file.
